Thursday May 17, 2001
I've been fighting a new addiction. I've been playing neopets to the exclusion of everything else. It's an interesting way to pass the time, but I think I can safely say I've moved on a bit. I'm making an entry, right? I'm sorry to say that most of my passions run fierce and then die quickly. Just a quirk of mine. You can imagine the effect it's had on the boys I've dated.
Mikey has been really romantic and sweet lately. We shower together most days anyway, but the other day he washed my hair. I can't think of a bigger turn on then his hands in my hair rubbing my scalp, naked body pressed against my back. Mmmm...very nice sensation. Then when we went to bed, we made love. There's a definate distinction to me. Usually we have sex and every so often we fuck, but this time we kissed and fondled and mummered words of love and affection.
I feel so secure in my marriage right now. I'm not going to say that I won't be pissed at him for something, just wait until we have our weekend arguments over who should get to be online. Or when we get into our daily pissing match over when he should stop playing mud to be with me. That's ok though, I can live with that. I've learned a lot about myself in the past year. I know what I can handle and it's more than I would have believed. When you've gone as far as we have in a relationship, the small stuff really starts to seem small.
Ok, I'm done with the mush now. I was watching the Real World/Road Rules extreme challenge on MTV the other night. I've always wanted to be on a show like that. I'm a drama queen who wants everybody in my business I suppose, why else would I keep an online diary? My only fear would be the way I was portrayed. I think that they edit the footage to type cast. In every episode of Real World there's a "bitch", a gay person, a free spirited wild person who drives everyone else crazy, etc... I could see myself being the bitch. I was during basic and I think I go that route whenever I'm under stress. I wouldn't want a group of jr. high school girls talking about me like, "hey, did you see what that bitch Sabrina did on Real World last night?"
On the other hand, can you imagine how much fun it would be to live in a house with a bunch of strangers and get to know each other? I don't care what anybody says, you wouldn't be suffering if you got to live in a house like that. I've seen bits and pieces of most of the seasons and I think that I liked the converted fire station that they lived in in Boston the best.
I've seen a couple of casting specials (hey, there isn't anything else on tv on Saturday afternoons, so don't laugh too hard) and it seems as if they deliberatly choose the people who have the biggest issues- if they are also attractive, of course. That would suck. Some people want to brood for days because you are insensitive to their problems. Well, on the show they do. In real life, I haven't encountered that too often. I have to admit though, that having someone sulk because a room mate mentioned that he thinks June Cleaver is a hot tv mom and that bastard didn't take into consideration that your mom has been dead for the past 15 years, would be hard to live with. And it would also be tough if you managed to piss off the whole house. I don't think it would be too hard to do with a house full of tempermental, 20 something, drama loving, people with issues.
Getting back to the original topic, I was watching the challenge the other night. RW was stomping RR in a way that wasn't even funny. In terms of looks, the RR team was winning hands down, but with the looks came the egos. What you ended up with was someone different refusing to take part in each challenge for some crazy reason. I started to get disgusted after about 5 minutes. If they all hadn't been so pretty to look at, I probably wouldn't have bothered to keep watching. The RW team was willing to do the events without all the bitching, but their major downfall was having this guy who I think actually got voted as the biggest bitch on the show. I don't care if he's gay or not, *no one* needs to be that catty.
In other news, I went to visit June, the babysitter, yesterday. I got to see her and another parent get into it. The guy was so fake it was sickening. He obviously couldn't have been happy if he felt as though he had to come talk to her, but at the same time, he was telling her that he thought she was doing a really good job. Whatever. Then they kept dragging me into it. I told him that I spend quite a bit of time visiting with June and I've seen how the kids interact. His son isn't entirely to blame for the altercations he gets into, but he contributes. I told the guy that he should just come over for an hour or two and watch the kids play together. You learn a lot about your kids that way.
I can understand what the guy is going through, it's hard to teach social skills to an only child. Even now, it's as if Elijah is an only child in the respect that he still doesn't have to share with Dare. By spending time at the daycare with him, I've been able to correct him when I see him doing something wrong. Yesterday, for example, he tried to bite another little boy. You better believe I was on him like white on rice. I have no tolerance for biting. He bit me one time and I thought it was a freak thing, but I realize now that if he feels other measures haven't been working, he'll bite. Now we can address that problem.
As if I haven't had enough social interaction for the week, I have to go to my husband's commanders house tonight. I had the misfortune of answering the phone to his sergeant's wife, who runs the family support group. Meriko runs a tight ship. She caught me right after I had Dare, before that she didn't know that Mikey was married. When I had Dare we were in the newsletter and had cards sent from the unit and other crap. I helped stuff stockings with a few of the ladies a couple weeks after I had the baby. That's when I realized that the spouses are more military than the men. A few months back, Meriko managed to pull off a successful coup to overthrow the prior wife who led the group. Now she's in charge and she is on top of it.
I have absolutely no intrest in doing stuff for the unit. What has the unit done for me? They take my husband for weeks at a time and when he's not in the field they keep him prisoner in North Carolina except for a two week block of time in which they grant him a week of leave. It's fucked up. I never had such a shitty unit in all of my time in the military. Granted, I was in AIT for most of my time, but it doesn't have to be so stressful. Especially for my husband. He works in the motor pool. Someone explain to me exactly why he needs to work late? The humvees are fine so I don't suppose that it's necessary to spend that extra hour working on them. So that's how I feel about the unit.
Then there's the added stress of trying not to embarrass Mikey which is impossible because he's way too sensitive about everything. I hate to go out with him because everytime we go I'm not dressed right, or my hair looks bad, or the kids are crying and making him feel like everyone is staring at him. With the people he works with it's 100 times worse. Forget about the fact that he doesn't hang out with any of them. Just knowing them is enough of a reason to set these impossible standards. I'll never measure up and that makes these things suck so much worse.
I'm going to go now because thinking about all this has made me feel really shitty. Mikey and I cut down on some of our problems by never going out, but the memory of the times we did in the past can still make me feel bad. I think a person can forgive, but forgetting is another thing altogether.
