Friday May 18, 2001
Last night wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. I actually even met a girl I'd like to keep in touch with. She has a baby boy who is just a few weeks older than Dare, so we have quite a bit in common. Most of the other ladies there were a little older with higher ranking husbands so I didn't feel as comfortable with them.
Mikey's commander has a really nice house, but I can't figure out why a late 20's/early 30's year old guy would bother to have such a nice place when he's living alone. Maybe I'm being a little stereotypical, but every single guy I've ever known in that age bracket has been so interested in going out and looking for girls that they don't have time to maintain a nice apartment. Mikey has told me he thinks he's gay and after meeting him, I suppose it's possible. Regardless of that though, he's a really nice guy and I like him. I think he's pretty cute too actually. If I told Mikey he would either make fun of me or get pissy, but who cares?
Last night while I was shaving I noticed something weird. I've got some tags of skin sort of hanging out of my kitty. I don't know how to explain it any better than that. It really scared me. All that flashes through my mind when something like that happens is CANCER! I know there's no point living in fear my whole life, but it's easy to say, hard to do. Everyone on both sides of my family who has died in my lifetime has died of cancer. There are so many forms that it's kinda like playing bingo, but instead of a cheerful "O69" I'm going to get a "Malignant Kidney Tumor". So I made a doctor's appointment on Tuesday morning and we'll go from there.
I'm so scared to go to the doctor. No matter how it goes I'm going to be upset. If something is wrong with me, then of course I'm going to freak about that, but if nothing is wrong I'm still going to freak because I went and now I look stupid. I don't ever want to seem as paranoid as I actually am. I suppose that there's no winning this one. All I will gain is relief from the stress of the unknown.
I watched Jerry Springer tonight and had a deep thought. I know that seems like an oxymoron but it's true. It really caused me to pause and think for a minute. It was about this KKK guy who was on his death bed and he was tearing into his niece for dating a black man. I had to wonder how anyone could hate entire races of people. I mean besides the fact that no one bloodline can be completely free of the "taint" of other races, I just can't see being able to hate a person that you've never met who has never done you harm. I can't understand how you can feel that way. No matter how much you disagree with a person's beliefs I can't see it and definately no matter what a person looks like.
In a lot of ways I'm a tolerant person. I'm pretty openminded about almost everything. I have my own beliefs and opinions, trust me on that, and I don't see anything wrong with sharing them. Conversely, I extend that right to others. In fact, I enjoy a good debate from time to time. I make myself accessable to other people's opinions. About the only person I don't care to listen to is Mikey. I guess that's probably pretty normal in a marriage though. That's a joke by the way. I don't want to make anyone think that that is why my marriage gets rocky. When it does get bad, it's because of the computer, every damn time.
Ok, that's enough thinking for one night. I'm chatting with Amy's husband, Brian right now. He got promoted last week. I don't really understand what his job entails except that he's in charge of making sure everything is clean and sanitary. Since he works in a meat processing plant, that's a pretty big responsibilty. So all together now, hooray for Brian.
I talked to Pam earlier today. She was supposed to be flying to Georgia to see her man Geoff in a couple of weeks. He called her and told her that he had to cancel their plans because his mom is having surgury. I think it's a bullshit story that he's making up to get out of the visit. Now here's a couple of facts that she's shared with me. They exchanged pictures by mail awhile ago, but his picture still hasn't made it to her. She has no idea what he looks like. Now that makes me think one of two things. Either he got her picture and didn't like what he saw and so he canceled or he doesn't look like what he told her so he didn't send the picture and he canceled.
I kinda believe it's the latter theory because Pam's a nice looking girl. I'd date her if I were a guy. I'd probably be good for her too. No woman of mine would get up to the craziness she has. I think that she would gain a lot from having a good man love her. She's quick to fall for a guy and then she rushes into it because she wants to have something meaningful.
What I've learned through hard experience is that you can have a relationship with anyone, but you can't have one that's worth having with just anybody. There's this certain combination of looks, personality, and chemistry that takes place between two people. Over the course of time things change. Sometimes for good and sometimes for bad. When you rush into something head first without paying attention you are cheating yourself out of an important step. The part where you get to know each other as a couple. You find out about them and about how you mesh with them. Even with time and careful observation you can choose someone you aren't compatible with, but that's ok. People do make mistakes from time to time. Just look at me. I'm the poster child for stupidity on a regular basis, but I'm pulling through just fine.
